Confidence to me wasn't something that came naturally. To this date, I have occasions where I doubt myself and my abilities. In the last few years to try and address this shortcoming, I've been on a journey of self-discovery and self-development. Going through countless articles, books, audiobooks, podcasts & YouTube videos on self-improvement, I quickly started to realise that while the delivery of the content varied significantly, the core underlying message always came back to "being vulnerable" regardless of whether those exact words were explicitly used or not.
But what's with all the fuss about vulnerability anyway? Doesn't being vulnerable mean you're weak?
Well if you are not already familiar with the concept of vulnerability, the short answer to that second question is no, not quite. To dig deeper let's do a quick vocabulary study - we'll look at the definition of the words "vulnerable" and "weak". According to the Cambridge English Dictionary;
vulnerable (adjective)
- able to be easily physically, emotionally, or mentally hurt, influenced, or attacked
- able to be easily physically, emotionally, or mentally hurt, influenced, or attacked
weak (adjective)
- not physically strong
- not strong in character, so that you are not able to make decisions or to persuade or lead other people
- not good enough, especially in ability, skill, or quality
- not physically strong
- not strong in character, so that you are not able to make decisions or to persuade or lead other people
- not good enough, especially in ability, skill, or quality
While on the surface it might seem like the two things are just the same, if we carefully deconstruct the definition it can be seen that they are not. The definition for weak can be simplified to "not strong or good enough", whereas vulnerable can be simplified to "being able to be hurt". The first implies a state of being you don't have direct control over while the latter implies a state of being you can consciously choose to be. In layman's terms, to be weak is to be incapable of avoiding pain/failure while doing something, while to be vulnerable is to risk pain/failure while doing something.
To be vulnerable is to put yourself out there.
My experience with vulnerability
At the start of this article, I mentioned that confidence wasn't something that came to me naturally and that I had to work towards improving my confidence. While I tried various confidence-improving techniques during my time of self-discovery and self-development, the one thing that let me make huge strides in improving my confidence was practicing vulnerability - that meant doing things like;
- initiating contact with that new co-worker and mentoring them to help them get better at their job,
- taking those opportunities for presenting to my team at work (even though I have a horrible case of stage-fright),
- applying for jobs when I wasn't sure if I was good enough for them,
- starting this website/blog, even though I have no idea if it will be successful or not.
- taking those opportunities for presenting to my team at work (even though I have a horrible case of stage-fright),
- applying for jobs when I wasn't sure if I was good enough for them,
- starting this website/blog, even though I have no idea if it will be successful or not.
The more I put myself out there, doing things like the aforementioned, the more I developed. And the more I developed the more my confidence naturally grew. And since the time I became aware of vulnerability, I've also been able to better observe moments when I get into a shell - progress stagnates and confidence seeps away.
So what's the final message?
If you have goals, if you want to do anything that's significant to you, but for whatever reason you're hesitant, just do it. Regardless of whether you succeed or fail, you will grow. As the saying goes,
Behind your deepest fears, lie your best successes.
Credits
